Episode #163 Forget Either-Or

Three Problems

• New friendships are often stopped in their tracks as the result of premature character judgments.
• Circumstances impact our ability to choose, and healthy choices are more accessible to some than to others.
• Our obsessions with certainty and control are rooted in fear.

Five Principles

• We can empathize with others’ stories without feeling angry, afraid, or attacked.
• It is possible for multiple competing ideas to be true simultaneously, and it is possible to accept seemingly contrasting realities at the same time.
• Our growth potential is measured by our ability to return to the same ideas at progressively deeper levels.
• We can maintain our strongest convictions even while listening carefully to diverse perspectives.
• When we forget either-or and remember both-and, we open ourselves up to new possibilities, unexpected adventures, and deeper connections.

Three Practices

• Become comfortable with the phrase, “I am not certain, but I am convinced.”
• Identify, investigate, and incriminate the “musts, shoulds, and have tos” without which you would feel incompetent, immoral, or isolated.
• Slow your breathing, your heart rate, and your racing mind while sitting in unsettling situations.

One Perspective

• “Expressing doubt doesn’t always mean you lack confidence. It might be that you see nuance. The presence of certainty can signal the absence of complexity.” – Adam Grant