Episode #121 Chaos And Friendship

Life is hard, but it becomes a lot easier when we struggle alongside others. This week, Dr. Michael Brown and author of A Book About Friendship, Sammy Adebiyi, encourage us to pursue our deepest desire for human connection even (and especially) when times are tough.

Show Notes

I called my buddy, and I remember being on the phone with him for about 45 minutes. And for 40 of those minutes, I didn’t say a word. I just cried.
Sammy Adebiyi

Five Problems

  • When life becomes difficult, our tendency is to drift away from the very people who are capable of supporting us through difficulty.
  • We often believe the lie that our friends would be burdened by our problems even though the opposite is true.
  • Carrying our burdens alone actually makes us weaker rather than stronger.
  • We often wait until we are already drowning before we finally reach out to a friend for help.
  • Vulnerability is never comfortable, and it is never our default.

Three Principles

  • One of the most defining aspects of human nature is our longing for connection with other human beings.
  • Everything in life is better with friends.
  • Chaos is not a contraindication to community; it actually necessitates community.

Five Practices

  • Ask for help early and often rather than waiting for chaos to become catastrophe.
  • Commit to this rule: Whenever you find yourself justifying why you don’t need to bring a friend into your current situation, reach out to a friend within that very hour.
  • When a friend tells you that “life is crazy,” take a step toward them instead of away from them.
  • Identify a single step forward in each of your top ten most important relationships.
  • Make yourself available and accessible for others in order to cultivate an environment where transparency and community happen naturally.