Episode #119 Compliment Your Critic

Something powerful happens when we respond to opposition with a posture of humility and grace. This week, Dr. Michael Brown and Nick Gillispie examine a countercultural practice that can help us grow into the best version of ourselves.

Show Notes

I just said, "Hey, I feel like you have some hostility towards me… Would you enlighten me?"
Nick Gillispie

Three Problems

  • When we ignore and avoid our critics, we ensure that we will never learn from them.
  • As difficult as it is to listen to our critic, it is even more difficult to compliment our critic.
  • At one time or another, each of us have been critical of others when we have felt threatened, jealous, or insecure.

Five Principles

  • It is easier to accept feedback when we choose to view it as a commentary on our performance rather than a criticism of our character.
  • Complimenting our critic defuses the situation and reclaims the power they attempted to take away.
  • Our response to criticism is motivated by either self-preservation or self-discovery.
  • We can choose to believe the best in others’ intentions even if the delivery or the tone of their criticism seems rude or hurtful.
  • Every critic has the potential to become our ally, and each ally has the potential to become a friend.

Three Practices

  • Remind yourself that each critique is a gift that warrants a genuine “Thank you.”
  • Digest each criticism you receive with the people who know you best by asking, “Is this true of me?” and “How can I grow from this?”
  • When you read an inflammatory post online, consider privately messaging its author rather than publicly presuming their tone.