Episode #227 Let Kids Fight

Five Problems

• Conflict is an essential and inescapable part of the human experience.

• When we shut down fights at their onset, we prevent both growth and intimacy.

• The rules we set for our children often prioritize our convenience over their character.

• Words can actually hurt more and for a longer period of time than sticks and stones.

• It is hard to let our kids fight, but it will be harder if they never learn to fight.

Five Principles

• One of the most important lessons we can teach our kids is how to fight fair.

• It is never too early to learn the skills of conflict management.

• Two of the greatest gifts we can give in life are apologies and forgiveness.

• Conflict is not a threat to intimacy but the pathway to it.

• Each of our children is unique, so our approach to parenting them should be unique.

Five Practices

• Remind yourself, “This is a teaching opportunity” whenever your kids begin to fight,

• Encourage conflict resolution that is developmentally appropriate, never dangerous.

• Help your children take a break from the fight without breaking up the fight.

• Fight with your partner in the living room rather than only in the bedroom.

• Apologize to your children often so they can learn to apologize to others.