Episode #195 Tackle Difficult Conversations

Five Problems

• We will struggle to achieve the intimacy we crave for as long as we avoid difficult conversations.
• It is far easier to gossip about our conflicts with others than it is to work through those conflicts.
• Perhaps the most challenging part of difficult conversations is to overcome our own selfishness.
• Our words will never have the impact we intend if our tone is problematic.
• The benefit of a difficult conversation is often delayed by days, weeks, or even months.

Seven Principles

• Leaning into difficult conversations is often the most loving thing we can do.
• Difficult conversations are often more difficult in our heads than they are in reality.
• If the purpose of a conversation is to prove the other person wrong, it’s not worth initiating in the first place.
• An apology at the start of a difficult conversation often helps the other person to lower their shield.
• We are often surprised to discover that admitting our mistakes actually increases the respect others have for us.
• Struggles are normal, but secrets are not.
• We are one difficult conversation away from deepening our most important relationships.

Three Practices

• Don’t allow another person’s defensiveness to trigger your offensiveness.
• Consider the technique, timing, tact, tone, and transparency of your next difficult conversation.
• Precede each difficult conversation with the question, “How have I been complicit or contributed to this situation?”