Episode #153 Learn Their Story

Five Problems

• We will not understand an individual’s personal narrative until we have made an effort to learn about a variety of separate stories and experiences.
• We are often only aware of the latest chapter of our friends’ stories while remaining oblivious to their beginnings.
• The things we most enjoy and appreciate in a book or movie are the same things that we most despise in our everyday lives.
• By hiding the most painful parts of our stories, we reduce their potential to positively impact the lives of others.
• Our tendency is to ask too few questions rather than too many questions.

Nine Principles

• Behind every face is a name, and behind each name is a rich personal narrative.
• The greatest desires of every human being are to be fully known and fully loved.
• When we explore the stories of others, their stories become our stories as well.
• When we understand others more deeply, we find ourselves feeling more connected to them as well.
• When we ask fantastic questions, we give others the opportunity to learn something new about themselves.
• Our stories shape our identity – even when they involve storms, scars, struggles, skeletons, or secrets.
• Even our most difficult moments are represented by just a few pages in our life story.
• When we demonstrate vulnerability and transparency with others, they are more likely to feel safe doing the same with us.
• A commitment to being authentic does not preclude us from cultivating healthy boundaries.

Three Practices

• Take responsibility for the pain you have caused others, even if it was inflicted unintentionally.
• Empathize with those who struggle to share their stories, as they are often guarded for a good reason.
• Don’t allow the belief that you “should know this by now” to serve as an excuse not to learn something new about someone.