Episode #130 Fear Repels Love

Whether it is with our romantic partner, family member, or friend… many of our relationships are struggling. This week, Dr. Michael Brown and counselor Steve Rieske explore the primary cause of conflict we experience with the people we love most.

Show Notes

If I am ever to be loved, I have to risk being hurt. And for many people, that’s a non-starter. But the same hole in your heart that opens up to let in love is the one that lets in pain. You can’t have one without the other.
Steve Rieske

Five Problems

  • Perfect love may cast out fear, but love is pushed away wherever fear reigns.
  • We struggle to show our true selves to those we love because we fear either rejection or abandonment.
  • We bring with us our fears and anxieties into each and every relationship.
  • We often view loved ones’ bad days through the lens of our own insecurity.
  • Manipulative people struggle to feel loved because they can’t escape the feeling that any love they receive is inauthentic.

Five Principles

  • We can’t pull someone into an embrace while simultaneously holding a shield.
  • Courage is not the absence of fear but the commitment to move forward even in the midst of it.
  • To work on a relationship requires work on oneself.
  • Fear leads us either to run away or seek control, whereas love compels us to stand steady with courage.
  • Most relationships don’t have a communication problem but instead a fear problem that affects communication.

Three Practices

  • Identify the primary fear that dominates each of your relationships.
  • Consider the question, “Does my fear lead me to run away or to seek control?”
  • Whenever it feels like a loved one is distancing themselves from you, make the intentional and courageous decision to move closer.